


Star Spangled Man With a Onesie

by jd20whovian



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-05
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-07 17:22:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4271592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jd20whovian/pseuds/jd20whovian
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The other Avengers discover Steve sleeps in a USA onesie.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Star Spangled Man With a Onesie

Steve opens his eyes, stretching as he rolls out of bed. He puts his feet in his slippers, stands up, and immediately doubles over in pain, falling backwards onto the bed. He tries to call out, but all he can manage is a whisper due to the fact that his insides feel like they are twisting into a knot.  
He rolls over and sticks his arm out and finds his phone on his side table. One text and like five minutes later, Tony comes into his room in full Iron Man gear.  
“You sent out a call for help and I’m... “ Tony stops short when he sees Steve lying on the bed, curled up and face down onto the pillow. “Dude. What?”  
Mumbling comes from the pillow and the man facedown on it.  
“Dude, help me out here.” He goes over and rolls Steve over. “Rogers, status report. What’s happening?”  
“I don’t know,” he manages to whisper. “I woke up and my insides are in knots. What’s wrong?”  
“HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW? I’m not a doctor, I’m a scientist. I’ll go fetch Banner. He should know.”  
Tony exits the room, to both get Bruce and shed his suit. As he exits, Sam and Bucky come in, Bucky with a laugh and Sam with an open mouth.  
Steve groans when he sees who came in, and grabs a pillow and covers his face with it. “Not now, Bucky. You too, Sam. Leave.”  
They both stand there. Sam breaks the silence. “Dude. You sleep in an America onesie?”  
“You didn’t know about that?” Bucky looks at Sam, then punches him in the arm.  
Sam glares at him, and rubs his arm. “Next time, can you not use your metal arm that has super strength to punch me?” Bucky just smiles. “Also, really? A USA onesie? When did you buy it?”  
“Don’t forget his bald eagle slippers!” Tony sings as he comes into the room, trailing Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanoff. “Also, he didn’t buy either of those. I bought the slippers.”  
“And I bought the onesie.” Nat raises her hand.  
“All right, let’s get a look at you.” Bruce comes over and opens up a doctor’s kit. “I need to see what can cause a superhuman to be in this much pain,” he said as he pulled out sharp tools and a syringe.  
“Um, I’m feeling much better. Please, I don’t need looked at.” Steve pulls the pillow off of his face and starts to sit up, but hunches over in pain.  
“No, you’re not.” Bruce finally pulls a stethoscope and a tounge depressor out of his bag, replacing all the other stuff. “I really should keep my science stuff out of my doctor stuff. Also, let’s move to living room so that everyone who has to hang around and watch me work has more space to spread out. Now, let’s get you out there.” He puts his arm underneath Steve’s, starting to crumple under his weight.  
“Oh, well don’t everybody move at once.” Natasha runs and props Steve up on the other side. Between her and Bruce, they manage to get Steve out into the common room, trailing the other Avengers who had been in the room with them.  
“Vhat’s vrong?” Wanda Maximoff stands up, having been sleeping on the couch. Even though the Avengers Tower had enough rooms for her to sleep in her own bed, she prefers sleeping on the couch. She says it reminded her of the old times, cramming into a bed with her recently deceased brother, Pietro. He had died protecting Clint Barton, who, at this moment, walks into to common room, a toothbrush in his mouth.  
“Yeah, what’s going on? And what’s wrong with Steve?” He pulls the toothbrush out of his mouth.  
“We don’t know. We’re trying to find out.” Bruce lays him down on the couch, propping his head up on some pillows.   
“Ees there anyting you need?” Wanda kneels down beside Steve.  
“No,” he gets out. “Just something to fix me up, which only Banner can handle. None of y’all are doctors, are you?” He looks around, and they all shake their heads. “See? Now, please shut up and let Banner do his work.”  
“It’s amazing how bossy he can be while not really being able to talk.” Sam shakes with laughter.  
“No, please, let him continue. Maybe he’ll talk his throat out.” Bucky nudges Sam’s arm.  
Sam rubs his upper arm. “Dude, what did I say about the metal arm?”  
“Sorry.”  
Bruce starts to inspect Steve by taking his temperature. While that happens, he listens to his heart and lungs, looks in his ears, and pulls out some scientific materials and runs some complicated-looking tests.  
“Is he going to be okay?” James Rhodes comes out of another room off of the common room.  
“Shut up and let me work!” Bruce glares at James, then goes back to reading his machines.  
“Do you know what’s going on? Anyone?” James moves closer to the other Avengers, who are huddled around the back of the couch.  
“Not a clue,” says Clint, and everyone else nods their heads in agreement.  
“Yo, Barton, why are you still holding that toothbrush?” They all look from Clint to Tony, who’s pointing to Clint’s hand.  
“Well, why don’t you hold it?” He thrusts it into Tony’s grasp, who in turn tosses it to his suit hand, which flies off in the direction of Clint’s bathroom.  
“All right.” Bruce starts to put his equipment away, and everyone returns their attention to the sick man on the couch. “I’ve run multiple tests. Nothing has really come up, so I have two options for what it could be. Either you somehow ended up having a man period and these are you man cramps, or you have ultra-severe food poisoning. I’m gonna go with the latter.”  
“Vell, vhat are you going to do about it?” Wanda leans over the back of the couch.  
“I have some medication that might work.” He pours a bottle of thick liquid down Steve’s throat. “I don’t know how fast it’ll work, but let’s…”  
He gets cut off by Steve jumping up off of the couch and almost knocking him over.  
“You’re better!” Bucky smiles, and then that smile turns a little bit evil. He looks around at the others, then starts humming.  
“I still can’t believe you sleep in an America onesie and you’re Captain America.”   
“What, don’t you sleep in a falcon onesie?”  
“Hell no!”  
“Coulson would sleep in an America onesie…” Tony mutters, but no one hears except for Nat, who just grins.  
“Who’s strong and brave, here to say the American way?” Everyone kind of looks at Bucky, and Steve just rolls his eyes. Clint disappears off into a hallway.  
“Vhat’s dis?” Wanda looks between Steve and Bucky, a confused look on her face.  
“Who vows to fight like a man for what’s right night at day?” Bucky continues singing softly.  
Sam does an almost-giggle as he watches the events unfold, no one bothering to answer Wanda.  
“Who will campaign door-to door for america? Carry the flag shore-to-shore for America,   
from Hoboken to Spokane!” Bucky parades around and around Steve, who stands there with an annoyed half-smile on his face.  
Bruce pulls a camera out of his pocket, sneakily hiding it behind his back.  
“The Star-Spangled Man with a plan!!!!” Bucky finishes the verse, arms out. Everyone claps while Steve starts to turn and walk back to his room, but Nat sticks out her arm and stops him.  
“There’s more, Rogers.” Steve glares at Nat, then heaves a sigh and goes back to where he was standing.  
“We can’t ignore there’s a threat and a war we must win, who’ll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?” Bucky continues singing as others carry on a conversation.  
“Sorry, I just can’t get over how completely and utterly stupid you look in an American flag onesie. I mean, you’re freaking Steve Rogers and you’re wearing a onesie - an American flag onesie - and you’re wearing slippers in the shape of bald eagles. I mean, how much more America can you get? Dye your skin red, white, and blue?”  
Strains of “Who will indeed lead the call for America? Who’ll rise or fall, give his all for America?” come from the general area of Bucky as he dances around Captain America. Clint emerges from the hallway, carrying a gigantic American flag. He calmly stands behind Steve as Bucky sings, “Who’s here to prove that we can?”  
Steve crosses his arms and glares into the distance. Bruce calmly takes out his camera and starts taking pictures, Clint standing in the background, Bucky dancing around singing “The Star-Spangled Man with a plan!”  
Steve shakes his head, looks around, and says “I don’t even know why I hang around you guys. Bastards.” He pushes through past Bruce and Nat.  
Everyone looks around, grins, and simultaneously say “Language!” Laughter erupts from the other Avengers.  
Steve drops his arms, shakes his head, and walks out.


End file.
